Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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