we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
