it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
