new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
