the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
