i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
