toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
