I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
