We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are we still banned from the library?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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