I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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