I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
