I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
