My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
