he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
