If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
