my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
