I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
