he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
