No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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