I am puke
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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