Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
