Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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