We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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