I accidentally had phone sex last night
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
