I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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