Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
