Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
