Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Say something about gay babies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
