Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
