Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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