So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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