the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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