We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
