i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
