You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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