Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
