we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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