trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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