he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
