Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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