you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
