I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
