Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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