i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
