JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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