i think i have two assholes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
