apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
