Please, let me fuck your mom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
