i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
