How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
