My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
