The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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