i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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