I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
