your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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