In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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