So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Terrible idea I love it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
