kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
