oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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